Dear Friend Who Is Being Abused

Dear Friend Who Is Being Abused

*This post is apart of our “Dear Friend” series. These letters have all been written by women who want you to know that you are not alone in your struggle*

 

Dear Friend Who Is Being Abused,

You are not alone.

Any form of abuse is devastating, tragic and wrong! I want to speak particularly to emotional abuse.

I have struggled and am struggling with both recognizing and stepping away from enabling the manipulation and control that make up this monster. A monster that hides beneath and is “defended by” even our own “beliefs” at times.

It is confusing and exhausting, especially when the evidence isn’t physical, yet just as insidious and damaging.

Jesus has shown himself faithful by speaking to me about who I am and my true worth, teaching me to educate and think for myself, and giving me the courage in the face of fear and confusion to see clearly, speak clearly and stand firm. This seeing, speaking and standing– is also messy, confusing, and exhausting. It is a process.

But there is more grace, mercy and love in the tension than you can ever imagine. He has called me out among the waters, into the great unknown and is fighting for me – and if God is for us, who can be against us?

Right?
SHIT YES.

Dear one, you are not crazy. If you needed to hear that, you know who you are. You feel it in that deepest secret place that only you know. WAKE UP!

Dear Friend Being Abused, you are not alone!

Dear Friend Struggling With An Addicted Spouse

Dear Friend Struggling With An Addicted Spouse

*This post is apart of our “Dear Friend” series. These letters have all been written by women who want you to know that you are not alone in your struggle*

 

Dear Friend Struggling With An Addicted Spouse,

You are not alone. Addiction is part of our story too.

My husband was exposed to porn at age 7, and formed an alcohol addiction as a young teenager. Twelve years into our marriage both of these addictions came to light, and nearly wrecked our family.

We both got into therapy and began to deal with our individual pain.

I had grown up in an alcoholic home and learned quickly how to keep things peaceful by not rocking the boat. I brought that skill into my marriage. I became everything my husband needed me to be, and in doing so denied myself, denied my feelings, needs and wants, and denied my own pain. I thought this was loving my husband until I realized it was hurting him and enabling him to stay the same.

In therapy I learned how to make healthy boundaries for myself, to value myself, and to communicate what I need and want. It wasn’t until I implemented boundaries with my husband, that he began to wake up and get well. I got myself into a recovery group with other spouses that understand the struggle.

This has been absolutely life-changing for me.

Today our marriage is stronger than it’s ever been. There are no more secrets between us. The healing we have received as a result of facing this struggle and dealing with it far outweighs the life of denial, loneliness, and pain we had been living in.

If this is you, there is so much hope for you! Recovery is your choice. You get to choose it, regardless of what anybody else chooses.

If this is you, you have probably lived a lot of your life for someone else. The time is here that you do something for you. Whatever it takes to get you the healing you need, do it! You are worth it! Your own healing and health will benefit every relationship you have, including your children!

Reality is we cannot truly love others in a healthy way, until we love ourselves.

Dear Friend Struggling With An Addicted Spouse, you are not alone!