How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex


#12 They Won’t Understand All At Once


I’ll never forget any of the instances when we first walked with our children through the specifics of sex. With our firstborn, I literally had a script written out, “Now Mark, I’m going to say this then you say this! Don’t be too funny or too confusing!” I’m pretty sure I had started a prayer chain and people had signed up to pray around the clock. I felt like we were heading into a war scene. I was a nervous wreck, while sweat poured down Mark’s face.

Our sweet firstborn sat stunned with a blanket over her head the entire time we talked. The talk was a lot shorter than it was when we had run through our lines, but when you are racing through sex information you talk as fast as a caller at an auction. When we got to the end of our perfectly-scripted, prayed-over battle plan, we asked our girl if she had any questions. If you knew ANYTHING about 9-year-old Katie, you knew the girl asked approximately 4 million questions AN HOUR. As she slowly pulled the blanket down from her face, I was anticipating which of the rehearsed questions she was going to ask. Her little cheeks were bright red because she HAD BEEN SITTING UNDER A BLANKET probably hyperventilating, when she asked, “Can I go to bed now?!”

WHAT? No questions from the QUEEN of questions. You don’t need any clarity and deep moral and spiritual guidance???? “Of course you can go to bed, baby!” we told her.

Here’s the deal, your kid might have zero questions the first go around. Your kid WILL NOT remember everything you told them the first go around. They will be a little stunned and slightly horrified at the words coming out of your mouth. They could suffer from a little PTSD. They will remember the strangest things. That’s why part of the goal is simply to communicate that you and your spouse are a safe place to ask any and all questions moving forward, “Daddy and I want to answer ANY questions you might have any time you have them!” This statement alone opened the doorway for communication.

The good news is we got better and better with each “talk”…. Mark and I got more comfortable and learned from our previous mistakes. Our information, approach, and script (which got thrown out the window with Julia) were like a good wine, sweeter with time.


Cheers to all of you and your battle plans!

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