*This post is apart of our “Dear Friend” series. These letters have all been written by women who want you to know that you are not alone in your struggle*
Dear Friend Struggling With An Addicted Spouse,
You are not alone. Addiction is part of our story too.
My husband was exposed to porn at age 7, and formed an alcohol addiction as a young teenager. Twelve years into our marriage both of these addictions came to light, and nearly wrecked our family.
We both got into therapy and began to deal with our individual pain.
I had grown up in an alcoholic home and learned quickly how to keep things peaceful by not rocking the boat. I brought that skill into my marriage. I became everything my husband needed me to be, and in doing so denied myself, denied my feelings, needs and wants, and denied my own pain. I thought this was loving my husband until I realized it was hurting him and enabling him to stay the same.
In therapy I learned how to make healthy boundaries for myself, to value myself, and to communicate what I need and want. It wasn’t until I implemented boundaries with my husband, that he began to wake up and get well. I got myself into a recovery group with other spouses that understand the struggle.
This has been absolutely life-changing for me.
Today our marriage is stronger than it’s ever been. There are no more secrets between us. The healing we have received as a result of facing this struggle and dealing with it far outweighs the life of denial, loneliness, and pain we had been living in.
If this is you, there is so much hope for you! Recovery is your choice. You get to choose it, regardless of what anybody else chooses.
If this is you, you have probably lived a lot of your life for someone else. The time is here that you do something for you. Whatever it takes to get you the healing you need, do it! You are worth it! Your own healing and health will benefit every relationship you have, including your children!
Reality is we cannot truly love others in a healthy way, until we love ourselves.
Dear Friend Struggling With An Addicted Spouse, you are not alone!